Unit 1: Vision

Have you ever been driving and had a buggy windshield? Or, worse, had low visibility in bad weather? Having limited vision makes driving slow, difficult, and even dangerous.

In this unit, you will be cleaning your figurative windshield (and clearing the clouds) so that you can declutter with greater clarity and ease. Establishing a vision for your family and home can save your sanity and a lot of valuable decluttering time. 

To start, let’s talk about Your Why for decluttering. To have a reason to look better to others or to make others feel more comfortable in your home isn’t strong enough. You need to figure out why decluttering is important to you and your family. 

 

First of all, what does it mean to declutter, or simplify your home? I can’t help but think of the Shaker Hymn, “Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free.” Can you imagine a life made free by getting rid of your extra stuff and really having more time and space for what you love? 

 

Emily Ley put it this way: “A simplified life means that what has to get done will get done. And when we pare down life to its simplest, most beautifully basic parts, we’re left with room to enjoy each other, to rest, and to truly savor life with all our hearts, minds, and spirits.” “A Simplified Life: Tactical Tools for Intentional Living“

 

I just love that. Can you think of a time when you were on vacation with your family? Maybe you stayed in a hotel or airBNB, but you noticed that there just seemed to be more time and space to enjoy each other? Did you notice that the dishes took less time to do, and the toys took less time to clean up simply because there were fewer? 

 

What if you could achieve that same phenomenon, at least to some degree, in your own home? A truly simplified home starts at first with decluttering. And, in order to declutter our surroundings, we must first declutter our minds. Or, as Yoda would say if he were into organizing, “Declutter our minds we must.” (My husband told me to leave that part out! hahaha)

 

Decluttering your mind may look like confronting some of the reasons you’re holding onto things. Through this journey, you may have some interesting discoveries about yourself. I invite you to enter this process with curiosity and allow yourself to experience your various reactions without judgement. Sadness, guilt, hope, and joy are all a part of the human experience and oftentimes, our items serve as tokens of our memories. Going through our things may kick up the dust of days gone by and while some may be easy to face, others may be more difficult. And it’s all ok. 

 

The exciting part about all of this is that decluttering your home can help you really get down to being your more authentic self. As you eliminate things that don’t serve you and your family, the things that DO serve you will have more room to shine. And, in time, your home will be full of only those things that best help you and your family to fulfill your personal life callings. Doesn’t that sound amazing?

 

As you go through this process, be very careful not to get swept away in the “shoulds” that you have adopted from others (unless they are ones that you really want to have). For example, maybe you were raised to think that you should eat with China every Sunday, so you hold onto your China set even though you dislike or resent it… Or, how about the “should” to wear jeans? I mean, if you want to wear stretchy pants, then wear stretchy pants! (Speaking to myself here…)

 

Let these “shoulds” serve as little signs to you that you should pay attention to why you feel that way. It may be that you think you need something to have acceptance, or maybe to prevent bad things from happening. In any case, getting to the bottom of your “shoulds” can help you let go and move on.

In the next couple of sections, we’ll be pondering your family vision, establishing family values, and creating a family mission statement. Be sure you establish values that are true to the identity of YOUR family, not the family you think you should have.  When you can truly come to appreciate your family’s talents, gifts, mission, and identity, amazing things will happen… (And, decluttering gets easier to boot!)

 

 

Do you have a clear vision for your family? Does that vision guide the decisions that you and your family make? Does it impact what things you allow into your home? 

 

Once upon a time not too long ago, my husband and I got a babysitter to come over so we could go on a date. That’s about all either of us knew (well, besides the fact that every hour cost of being gone from our kids cost us literal cash). So, we got in the car and started driving… and driving… And driving still without a plan. Imagine our frustration when we had been in the car for all too long, still without a clue of where we were going or what we were going to do with our rare opportunity to spend time together without kids. We had some words, some upset, and some frustration that taught us an unpleasant lesson on the importance of having a vision. While it wasn’t a fun experience, we learned that taking time to establish a vision makes things easier and way more fun. 

 

Now, imagine decluttering WITHOUT a clear vision. You start going through your rooms and you think, “This is all perfectly good stuff. There is nothing to get rid of!” Or, you start decluttering and get paralyzed and give up because you have no way to determine whether or not you should keep something. 

 

As Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision the people perish.” In this case, perish may mean you never get around to really decluttering and your stuff continues to get in the way of realizing your own life’s and family’s purpose. And, like our unplanned date, decluttering without a vision can lead to frustration and LOTS of wasted time.

 

Taking the time to establish a vision for your family is well worth it, just like taking a few minutes to make a plan for our date would have made our experience so much better. 

 

So, what is your home vision? I’m not talking about how things look or how much square footage you dream about… What is the ultimate purpose you want your home and your stuff to serve for you?  Why is decluttering important to you? What do you hope to accomplish through decluttering? 

 

Understanding your vision is crucial because, as Marie Kondo said, “The question of what you want to own is also the question of how you want to live your life” (The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up).

 

 

Values, like honesty, work, or compassion, are guiding principles that influence how we act. When we act in line with these values, we can become the most authentic versions of ourselves. And, in this case, when we measure our stuff against our values, we’re better able to decide what to keep and what to get rid of.

Imagine using a hammer without a purpose. You could busy yourself by hammering on everything in sight, but what will you really accomplish?  Compare that to using a hammer with a clear purpose – you can effectively secure a painting to the wall, fix a stool, or build a birdhouse with your kids.  A focus on the purpose changes your hammer from an ineffective hazard to a useful tool. 

 

Similarly, imagine yourself being very busy decluttering all the livelong day. Yes, you may be getting rid of some stuff and moving very quickly, but will you really accomplish your purpose if you don’t at first understand your purpose? What things will you inadvertently keep that don’t actually support your values? Don’t be like the hazardous hammer. Establish your values so you can effectively declutter your home. 

 

It’s vital that you discover YOUR family values (not the Jones’ values, not your mother’s values, YOUR values). You may come up with some values that are things that you think you should value at first (for me, fitness would be one of them). But, as you think and discuss with your spouse or family, you may come to realize that maybe you really don’t value that thing, and that’s totally ok. For example, instead of fitness, we decided we actually valued health – though it seems like the same thing, the value of health resonated more with us. Allow yourself the space to not value something and take the time to really get down to what you and your family care about. 

 

Recently, my husband and I sat down and independently wrote a list of values that were important to each of us. Then, we came together and found the overlapping values which we established as our family values. Take some time with your spouse or family to discuss your values. First, write your lists down independently (no peeking!). Then, come together and compare. You may have some values that your spouse doesn’t have. Those are your personal values. Discuss your overlapping values to create a list of your family’s top 5 (or so) values (don’t choose too many, or their effectiveness will be diluted). The family values can help guide general decisions you make for your home and the personal values can guide you through your own personal items. 

 

Understanding your top  family values can help you determine which items support or detract from the values that you care most about. Some family values may include: charity, health, connection, learning, work, creativity, humor, or adventure. You don’t have to be perfect at each of these values to include them – they can be things you are working on together.

 

 

Once you’ve established your values, it’s time to assess your personal and family’s interests. In our family, my oldest is an avid reader and writer and my son loves to create anything and everything with whatever he can get his hands on. We also love making music! Knowing these interests has helped me to know what items will support these interests.

 

Consider where you’re at now, not what you were or will be. Focus on the present. Maybe in the past you had dreams of being Taylor Swift 2.0, but your dusty guitar playing never got further than 3 basic chords. If guitar playing is no longer an interest, don’t put it on your list! 

 

 

 

Self-improvement specialist Stephen R. Covey said, “Your mission statement becomes your constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values. It becomes the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life.”

 

When my husband and I sat down to write our family mission statement, we ultimately came up with a simple, one-liner: “We will advance joyfully together toward exaltation and strive for real connection.” This statement helps us remember what we’re really doing as a family. It helps us focus on our ultimate purpose as a family so that we don’t get lost in the day to day. 

 

Our mission statement started with us considering the list of our shared values. We realized that our faith is central to our core values, but that we also valued humor and learning (hence “advance joyfully toward exaltation”). We also noticed that connection with others was important to each of us and we wanted to be sure to really connect with our children and others in meaningful ways. 

 

Since creating our family’s mission statement, we have made more intentional efforts to have joyful moments as a family and truly connect with each other.  We’ve pushed back the couches and enjoyed dance parties, tickle fights, and checker’s matches. It has helped us break free from the doldrums and realize more of our potential as a family. 

 

With these things in mind, we’ve been able to more clearly see what things help us accomplish or hinder our family mission. For example, while considering our family vision, my husband decided to pass on his old video game collection of about 100 games across five different gaming consoles.  He decided he would rather spend that time learning new skills and connecting with our family. This was only possible by first having a vision.

 

So, what is the purpose of your family? Get with your spouse or children and create your family mission statement. This mission statement can morph over time, but it should be general enough that it can be applied broadly to your family experience. Keep it short and sweet so that it is easy to remember. I know that as you create and honor your family mission statement, you will be able to declutter with greater clarity.

 

 

Establishing a vision for your home and family is fundamental to creating the home you want and to knowing what to keep versus get rid of. Instituting your family’s top 5 values and creating a family mission statement can help you stay focused on your family’s purpose as you sort through your stuff. 

 

This lesson’s challenge is to complete the Unit 1 worksheets and establish your family values and mission statement. Once you’ve done that, share your values with the Think & Tidy Facebook group. This group is intended to be a safe place for vulnerability. Brene Brown said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

 

I hope that you embrace your vulnerability as you share your struggles and find belonging, love, empathy, accountability, and clarity in our Facebook group. 

In the next unit, we’ll make an action plan to help you declutter. It’s gonna be great!

 

Emily Ley, A Simplified Life: Tactical Tools for Intentional Living (2017).